Pearl and Poison Ivy Green

Today I finally broke down and got artificial gel nails. The last time I had this done was when I was in NCO Academy last year. Shortly after coming home I was pregnant and I thought with all the prenatal vitamins on my side I could maintain healthy natural nails. After a year of trying, I gave up. All too often I'd have a perfect natural even set manicured just to have a nail break. And then another and then another. Yep, I'm done. I love pretty nails. My tips are 'pearl' so it's not so harsh of a French with the bright white. Plus, with the tips there's less gel so these are thinner - only slightly more thick than my actual nail. My friend Cheyenne went with me and got a pedicure so when baby Michael needed attention she had the free hands while I was tied up. My nail tech was so efficient I even had time to get a 'quick and easy' pedi before Cheyenne was finished with hers. I have such a beautiful green on my toes - it's not as metallic as emerald, it's more of a bright vegetation green that I dubbed poison ivy.

I really enjoyed my long weekend. I got my grocery shopping knocked out Friday night and was able to get a head start on cooking for the weekend. I took advantage of extra time to skype with JG - the baby is absolutely fascinated with JG's image on the screen and the sound of his voice. I was able to buy baby clothes, a mobile for the crib and some other baby odds and ends while Zachary went to Sylvan. I bought a new chef knife at a Pampered Chef  party. Then friends came over for character creation for a new Star Wars role playing game that we'll start soon. I cooked homemade spaghetti sauce for a low-carb pasta bake then whipped up brownies from scratch served with haagen das vanilla. Mmmmm. The next day I met with my trainer. Again, I walked away exhausted and with a new favorite exercise I hate. I lost two pounds in the last two weeks. Although weight loss isn't my goal (being able to do push ups IS) it felt good to know that my Wii Fit finally stopped effing with me. After my workout I went shopping with my friend Heather and her teenage daughter with Michael in tow. I took advantage of triple points at Best Buy.


Today was a quiet day - I spent most of it studying for my next online senior NCO test called a course 14. I only left the house to get my nails doneThere was some strained relations happening with my family back home this week. Sometimes I really don't think they realize how lucky they are to be so close to one another.

Took a nap with Michael. Woke up to find my Edward crashed out on the new papazan chair. This was one of four special I love you presents from JG since he's been gone. The first was an ipod and I've got flowers at work twice. Once marking a combination I love you, happy birthday, first day back at work and promotion congratulations. The other marked Valentine's Day.

I miss JG so much. We were getting really close to 40 percent through this deployment based on his deployed calculator. I'm trying to stay a busy as I can to pass the time.

Hitting my 10-year anniversary in the Air Force

Ten years ago, I couldn't wait to see the new "Star Wars" movie. So naturally, that's what I focused on during that fateful bus ride on my way to begin basic military training. Thinking about lightsaber fights and epic space battles distracted me from second guessing this life-changing decision.

But here I am, 10 years later, celebrating this milestone during my fourth deployment to the Middle East. Like many Americans, I, too, joined the military as a result of 9/11. At the time, I was in my mid-20s with little to show for it and even less ambition in life.

All that changed on a bitter February morning, when a group of us discovered a thing or two about motivation when the booming voice of a military training instructor bellowed out "Move! Move! Move!" as we stumbled out of the bus as quickly as we could.

The next few weeks of our lives were dominated by a "sense of urgency," moving "with a purpose" and avoiding being "lacksidaisical."

That's not even a word!

Of course, I wasn't going to correct the grammar of the tall, skinny staff sergeant with the wide-brimmed hat and thick Southern accent. After all, he'd made a point of figuring out how to pronounce my last name, and the first thing you learn in basic training is don't give the instructors any more reason to pay "special attention" to you than necessary.

It was the first lesson of many more to come during my first decade in the in the Air Force. So on this anniversary, I find myself reflecting on what else I've learned over the last 10 years. After all, we learn how to be Airmen from our peers, coworkers and supervisors. Each person we meet sets an example - both good and bad - of the kind of professional we strive to emulate or avoid.

But rather than focusing on the few bad apples, I've been thinking about the people who stand out as my role models and some of what they've taught me about being an Airman:

I learned what it means to be a leader among peers from an Airman in my sister flight at BMT and then again in my class during technical training school. Since day one, she's always dedicated herself to the point where she doesn't just excel at everything she does, she also makes it look easy.

At my first duty station, my first supervisor demanded excellence and insisted I give my best every day. He was quick to critique when something was wrong, but quicker with praise when something was right.

Your rank doesn't dictate your capability or how you treat other people, one of our lieutenants showed me. He was more interested in leading by example than micromanaging our days.

The captain in charge of our office trusted and believed in me, the best kind of inspiration an officer can give a young Airman. He once told me that people will never forget if you give them the opportunity to save face when they've made a mistake.

A captain I worked with during my second assignment insisted that confidence is just as important as competence, and your reputation comes from both. When we deployed together, he made sure everyone in the office knew their value to the mission. How he maintains his humility, I'll never know.

I learned that we're responsible for our own careers from a senior NCO who kept a jar of nails on his desk (the rumor was he was so tough he'd eat them for breakfast). If there's something you want, he'd often say, you have to be proactive. No one is going to hand you opportunities; you have to find them and you have to earn them.

And then one day came a revelation.

When I started dating (and eventually married) a fellow Airman, she helped me realize all those lessons weren't just about becoming a better Airman myself.

Leadership and dedication, critique and praise, trust and respect, honor and inspiration, attitude and aptitude, responsibility and drive also make us better spouses, better parents and better people.

I've also come to appreciate that the Air Force we're in now isn't "ours." It belongs to our replacements. That's why it's not just enough to learn from our mentors; we have to actually apply those lessons.

Every day is an opportunity to show your quality.

And unless you share knowledge with others, it's a finite resource that only exists as long as you're around.

Your legacy is the impact you have on others, so I hope I've passed something positive along to my fellow Airmen and my three sons. After all, I've benefitted a great deal from my mentors these 10 years.

And while being deployed can get overwhelming at times, one of the things that distracts me from missing my family is looking forward to watching movies together when I get home. First on the list, "Star Wars."

Averting Meltdown

I've been back at work two weeks. Michael is always one of the first babies dropped off and almost always the last baby to be picked up. Pumping to keep up with him is a never-ending battle ... Friday he was just dropped off with empty bottles for formula because he had nursed so many times after we got home Thursday night, through the night and into the morning. At his eight-week appointment he had gained nearly four pounds since his previous visit. He now weighs more than thirteen pounds!

The boys' lunch accounts were in the negative. Edward's teacher actually sent me an email offering to look into free or reduced school lunches. If the kid doesn't tell me he's out of lunch money I don't give him lunch money. The warning emails for a low balance are actually set up to go to JG's email. I sent them each in with checks for $100.00.  That should get us through February.

Friends came over for dinner tonight. We're going to start a new Star Wars RPG. This will be something fun to look forward to, though it defiantly won't be the same with JG gone. 

I started training with a personal trainer last weekend. Tomorrow will be my third session. His name is Shawn. I think if he had hair it would be red. He's wicked Irish. I say that because I learned he's from Maine. Shawn is going to help me get better at my pushups. More to come.

Tomorrow is the Super Bowl. Zachary is excited his old favorite team (Patriots) is playing his new favorite team. I'm sure JG is going to make a point to wake up early to watch the game. 

My housekeeper, Jackie, has been coming every other week since mid-December. These last two weeks at work have clarified my limitations - I need her every week. 

I need a lot of things every week. Mostly sleep. I could really conquer the world if I had some. I can't sleep right now - JG and I are not on the same planet today. I hate when our orbits are out of sync.  

Happy New Year

2012 is proving to be full of challenges.

Last week I had an MRI done on my right knee - and it turns our I tore my ACL. The injury happened back in February and I went to physical therapy to treat my sprain. When I stopped progressing they sent me for an MRI, but by then I was pregnant with baby Michael. After reading up on that type of injury, 90% of patients who get surgery to repair it make a full recovery. Let's hope I'm in the majority!

JG completed 10% of his deployment. Communication is much better, thus far, than our last deployment and I'm so thankful for that.

In other news, tomorrow I'm officially a master sergeant.

There are only two days left of winter vacation. YES! The boys really needed some good down time after how hectic things were with moving, Michael being born and their Dad leaving for deployment. But, I need a break now. There are so many projects I wanted to get done during my time off and it seems like time keeps slipping away.

Tomorrow the Christmas tree comes down. Maybe after that I'll take the boys to a movie.

Merry Christmas

Zachary, 11; Edward, 7, and Michael, 4 weeks, in front of the Christmas tree in the home we just moved into five weeks ago. Although JG and I have skyped since he deployed about three weeks ago the connection has been unreliable. Imagine my joy when skyped was crystal clear as JG was able to join us Christmas morning when the boys opened their presents! Even better, that night (the following day for JG) he received his first care package from home.

JG is very sneaky. On Christmas Eve he sent Zachary to the basement to bring up the gifts he bought and hid. I know that made him feel good and it made me feel special. :)

For Christmas dinner we hosted folks from the office. We hardly made a dent in the rib eye roast (the boys and I had steak and eggs for breakfast this morning). It was nice to have company - it made the day pass by quicker and I always love to feed people. There was one big lesson learned: a 16 pound roast does NOT take 4.5 hours to cook. Only about half the time! Although it was yummy and juicy I would have liked it more rare.

The boys have another week of winter vacation. They've been really helpful with Michael. Zachary is getting really good at giving him a bottle. Edward is able to feed Michael if the baby is sitting in his car seat or vibrating chair. Michael is already trying to launch himself forward with his feet and he's doing a great job holding his head up. His abs are also becoming more stable. I predict he'll be crawling before JG gets home.

I keep thinking about JG's homecoming. I know it's early for this but I just can't help myself. I miss him so badly.

Milestones Begin

JG has been gone for 18 days, but it feels like months. Maybe it's because Michael is changing so much it makes the time seem like it's passing faster than it actually is. The boys and I got the Christmas tree up today - but now that they're older they put many of the ornaments on the tree before I have the chance to remissness. It did warm my heart to unwrap and display our bride and groom ornament.

Michael has arrived

This is Michael Luke Buzanowski. He was born on JG's birthday. This is the camera JG was packing for his deployment. He left yesterday. By the time JG returns home, Baby Michael will be six months old and will no longer fit in a camera bag.

I can't tell you how busy and stressful the last few weeks have been for us. JG was TDY for combat skills training in Wyoming and the day he got back we had new keys for our new home on base. We spend that next week moving and the Saturday following Thanksgiving Michael was induced. A week and three days later I dropped JG off at the airport. His mom, Martha, arrived Thursday and she's staying through the weekend to help out as we get the rest of the house settled.

I'm convinced I can "do this" if I can just get more than an hour of sleep at a time. :)