Counting The Hours

JG is literally on his way home. I have butterflies in my stomach. I can't wait to see him and the look on his face when he's seen how big his three sons have grown! Michael was about two weeks old when JG left. He's made the most changes. Zachary and Edward have each grown taller. Zachary is getting ready to start wearing a pump for his diabetes. Edward's sternum is healing from when he cracked it with his own head on the trampoline. The trampoline is new. I can't wait to jump on it myself one day. I really can't wait for JG to jostle Zachary on it a bit so he understands what his brother must feel like when they jump together. I'll watch from a safe distance from JG's hammock - his father's day present from last year.

Rain All Week

Rain all week. Raw and cold and bitter. (If you were hoping for a happy post go ahead and just x out now.)

Yesterday I was miserable at physical therapy. Most sessions I leave feeling a bit sore, but never feeling like I may not make it back to the car. It was the first time since I've been back to work that I seriously second guessed myself for getting the severed ACL repaired before JG got home. And let me tell you, I was surprised -- two exercises I had a hard time with came to me easier yesterday. One was doing side steps each direction with a band around my legs just above the knees. The other was doing mini squats leaning up against the wall on an exercise ball. I was technically perfect and didn't need rest in the middle of any of my sets like I had the session before. My confidence was high (even though I was exhausted).

Then, the dreaded step. It's a baby step, maybe only about three inches tall. I'm supposed to stand on it with the bad right leg then bend at the knee and lower myself into a squat keeping the hips even, my booty pushed back and most, if not all, my weight on the bad leg without letting my knee go over my foot. I'm supposed to repeat this motion. Well, I'm supposed to repeat the motion when I get it right. I spent the entire time on that exercise trying to get it right. It's a tiny little motion. My physical therapy technician calls it my 'wall.'

I'm anxious to see how tomorrow's session goes.

Home Soon

JG tells me today that his replacement will get in a week earlier than expected. Of course, this news comes right in the middle of an argument. I don't feel any joy. I'm too upset to be excited and was indifferent on the phone with him and responded with an "oh, that's good, that was a lot earlier than we were expecting."

Since the phone call, the argument several hours later on instant messenger went from bad to worse. I'm wasting Memorial Day right now sobbing in bed like a heartbroken teenager.

The argument was clearly a miscommunication on both our parts, but it's not resolved. During our resolution, things got worse when a modified version of "reflective listening" became a one-way street.

I'm so fed up with the year 2012. It can go fuck itself ass-to-mouth style. I'm that furious.

Judy get off the Trampoline

I wasn't the first to think of butter poaching eggs.

"Using a 10-inch skillet heat 2-tablespoons of butter over medium heat until just melted, but not sizzling. Carefully add 4 eggs to the pan one at a time, being careful not to break the yolks. Cover the pan and turn the heat to low. I like to use a glasscover so I can see how they are doing without letting heat out of the pan.  When the whites are cooked through and the yolks are still soft (2-4 minutes depending on the temperature of the eggs and the pan) remove the pan from the heat and remove the cover so the eggs don’t overcook. " (courtesy of http://www.sipnibblesmile.com) 

This is my breakfast. And if my stomach doesn't stop growling it might be my midnight snack. 

For all the dieting haves and have nots, I have to say that I have quite a few win cards. Avocados, cream cheese, Starbucks' whole-milk, sugar free, no whip mochas when I want to indulge, steak, dreamfields pasta, Adkins brand peanut butter cups, tomatoes, salmon, butter, sour cream, breyer's carb-friendly ice cream, asparagus, bacon, make it myself whipped cream with different flavors to stir in my coffee at home, mayonnaise (Hellman's on East Coast, Best Foods on West Coast - when I moved to Texas I tracked down Hellman and DEMANDED they sell mayo to me in Texas only to find out it's one and the same. Good thing for them ...) Olives,  Starbucks' Pikes with half n half with Splenda when i'm being good. 

I am drinking a lot of coffee lately. I LOVE the taste of coffee - but lately it's been a necessity. I can't function without it. I feel hung over at least twice a week from the lack of sleep. It's not like I give a cute little yawn and exclaim I could sleep another hour, it's resetting my alarm to squeeze in another 30 minutes and opening up my eyes what feels like 3 seconds later to spring out the door only to struggle keeping my eyes open while driving the whole five minutes to work. Venti, please.

These last two weeks or so have been brutally rough. Both Michael and Ju-Ju needed extra attention. Michael had an ear infection which required antibiotics twice a day so instead of the regular nursing routine I had to make sure he didn't get too full so he'd take his medicine. Then Judy has to have half an anti-inflammatory pill  and an antibiotic pill twice a day ... so there's hiding her meds in what would normally be a snack for me. She's also wearing a cone to prevent her from licking her paw, but there's extra care in making sure we take it off in the morning so she can eat and drink okay ... then remembering to put it back on. Oh yeah, and making sure Edward remembers to feed her too.

I'm making up my film class work this semester ... that issue was finally resolved but it's one more thing added to the plate along with yard upkeep, Zach's official helper on his science fair project (I had to sign a paper!), collecting newspapers off the front lawn (I'd actually tip paper boy if i could reach it from my door). 

I just dozed off in the middle of a keystroke. I'm calling it a night.

Daffodils

Yesterday was our third anniversary.  At the wedding reception a different color tulip arrangement decorated each table. Little did JG know when he sent me three tulip arrangements, delivered at three different times, that they would also serve as get well flowers. The pink and white striped tulips were 'Happy Anniversary,' the yellow tulips were 'I Miss You' and the purple tulips were 'I Love You.' I noticed the florist must have ran out of the purple and pink varieties since there were a couple yellow tulips mixed in. Much to my surprise and delight this morning I discovered fully-bloomed daffodils mixed in, my favorite flower. That was JG's way of saying 'I Know You.'

The flu struck our house yesterday. My stomach was aching at about one o'clock in the morning. I tossed and turned and was burping and tasting my medication and vitamins I took right before bed. Maybe I didn't eat enough with it. But when a salty rush of saliva coated the inside of my mouth I laid in bed in denial an extra few seconds before realizing I was running out of time. While hobbling to the bathroom (knee surgery was March 13) I clamped both hands over my mouth only to divert the flood through my nose. I couldn't kneel over the toilet and had to hover and aim the best I could. It was very awkward. So wasn't every other instance yesterday.

My mom was a life-saver. She and her husband, Mark, had flown out the day before JG's mom, Martha left. I desperately needed the help after the surgery. My mom made me broth, gave me crackers, took care of the boys while I rested. Then about lunchtime it hit Zachary. He cried. He screamed. He cried and screamed "I need to go to the hospital" each time he went into the bathroom. A couple hours later it hit Edward - only it was coming out both ends. We learned that Edward could not anticipate diarrhea. Ever. We also learned he could not anticipate puking. Ever. About the time I could hold down a sip of water Grandma and Grandpa were starting to feel ill. I'm just now getting over the sweats, chills and body aches and cramps. The boys? Both were just about back to normal by 7 a.m. Youth.

Luckily Michael isn't sick. I'm guessing the antibodies in the breast milk were waiting on the virus.

Our housekeeper, Jackie, came this morning. I met her at the door and told her we had flu and not to worry about cleaning. She said it didn't bother her and alluded to the fact that she bled bleach and pine sol. I was thankful for the extra disinfecting.

I feel bad Mom and Mark have to travel home feeling ill. It's no fun being sick in the comfort of your own home - traveling while sick, ugh. I hope they're over it before their plane leaves first thing in the morning.

So, now, all the family is gone. I burned all the leave I can to help me ease back into the current normal routine of work and kids. I need to tackle the next few months so they go by fast. I'll be starting physical therapy soon to rehabilitate the knee and finishing the film class I got an incomplete on last year.

Life is so much better and easier with JG - I hate being apart from him. I can't wait to spoil him with good food and affection. I can't wait for family movie nights with the whole family. My cold feet miss stealing his warm at night. But, mostly, I think that I miss making him laugh and smile the most - in person. There's only about 12 more weekends, five more pay days and three more mortgage payments to get through before I can try.

With raspberry filling (you'll get it)

Tomorrow I'm having a luncheon to celebrate my promotion. It's something I've been looking forward to for weeks - one of the biggest milestones in my career should be celebrated, right?

I ordered a pink champagne cake - made with real champagne. I tried it in cupcake format at a bridal show my friend Heather, bride-to-be, took me to in January. If the cake is as delicious and beautiful as I think it will be I'll post the link to the bakery.

Zachary and Edward, having off from school anyway for parent-teacher conferences, are going as well - then we'll be headed to get their new military ID cards. (Family ID cards have their sponsor's rank on them.) I had wanted the boys to get haircuts tonight, but it didn't happen.

I'm not much in the mood for celebrating. I think I've cried every day this week. I'm not sure how much of it is stress or how much is just exhaustion. I've been feeling overwhelmed for weeks now. I just have to get through tomorrow - then I'm taking a day of leave Monday to prepare the house for company and my crutches. Surgery is Tuesday morning.

Zachary is 11, but he worries like he's an adult. He asked if something "happened" to me during surgery who would he and his brothers stay with until Dad was able to fly back. I told him either Ms Cheyenne or Ms Heather. That met his approval and he's not brought the subject up again.

I'm in serious need of a hug.

First Impressions

I've had an eventful weekend. Yesterday I decided to take the truck into Spokane because it has the really nice snow tires and I love my truck. It was snowing HARD, and it was so warm I swear there was 8 inches of slush on the road. After dropping Zach off at Sylvan, Edward, Baby Michael and I went to ToysRus to get a birthday present for Edward's friend Max.

On the way back to pick up Zachary, the truck spun out of control while I was traveling I-90 East. Luckily no one was near me. We skidded. The second Edward felt the truck slip he SCREAMED at the top of his lungs, and was crying and kept SCREAMING. We "landed" facing oncoming traffic in the far left lane. I went to turn the truck around and nothing. The truck was completely locked up - how the heck did I blow the transmission?

Through Edward's screaming and crying I shouted at him to keep his seatbelt on. "Why, will I die?"

Very matter of fact I replied "Yes, Edward, if you take that seatbelt off and we get hit by a car you could die, so please keep it on."

Which only begged more screaming and crying as I'm calling 9-1-1 to get a police car out there. (I did tell them I had an infant and a 7-year-old with me, hoping they'd move faster.) Not many cars were driving in the far left lane, but it was evident when they saw me ... a few close calls happened while waiting for a policeman to hopefully keep our lane clear until a tow truck could come.

How the heck did I blow the transmission?

After the third near miss from an oncoming car I decided we couldn't stay in the truck like sitting ducks. I dialed the only person in our office who lived in Spokane Valley .... and then someone stopped in the middle lane, threw on his hazards and ran over to us.

"Is anyone hurt?"

"No, we're fine."

"I'm going to stop traffic so you can turn around."

"I can't move, the truck is locked up. I don't know what happened to it."

"Hit the gas, let me listen."

"The gas is all the way to the floor, nothing."

"Put it in reverse."

"Nothing."

"Is it running? Try starting it ......... no no, you need to be in park first."

And then, my truck started.

"Ok, pull forward a bit, let's make sure it goes."

It did.

Superdude stopped the only moving lane on the highway while I turned around and got to the shoulder. Snow had completely caked all my windows and I couldn't see. It was then I noticed the little red pickup in the ditch, and what looked to be blood spatter on the windshield. Did this person go off the road and die because of me?

With Edward unconscionable and still screaming at the top of his lungs I approached the truck. The door swings open and I see the red puffy face of a teenage girl.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

The 'blood spatter' was the shadow from her crazy ponytail. "Did you hit your head?" Only then noticing that her truck had been stopped by deep snow, nothing else.

"No."

"How long have you been here?"

"About 15 minutes."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

Superdude flies over. I run back to the truck to try and comfort Edward again. This time him and the baby are crying. "Stop leaving me. We're going to die. Michael is crying. You need to feed him now or he's going to die."

I was hugging him, telling him it was okay, but nothing I said was going to matter. I brushed the snow off the truck, we merged back on the hwy and we were only two blocks away from Zachary when a light turned red as we were going up a massive hill. When it turned green, we were stuck. After being stuck for 10 minutes there was finally a commercial vehicle behind me. I jumped out and ran over.

"I've been stuck for ten minutes, I have an infant in the back seat and I can't be here all day. I have snow tires, but there's no grip - even when I've been able to back up a foot or two I can't get moving forward."

"Is it in 4-wheel drive?"

"No. I don't have 4-wheel drive."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It sucks. I'm open to suggestions here. I really need your help."

"Well, if I could see, I'd back up to let you turn onto 28th. Can you drive backwards?"

"Well yeah. In that case, there's only one, no, he just changed lanes. You're clear now."

"Ok."

"Thanks!"

We got to Zachary's slyvan. Edward was still panicked from earlier. He begged me to let him get Zachary out early. We were early by about five minutes so I said sure.

Edward comes running back to the truck and about two minutes later Zachary come out. He's got a goofy grin on his face. "Mom, what was that all about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Edward comes into Sylvan and shouts to everyone 'Is there a Zachary Gregoire in here? The sidewalks are wet. We've got to go.' Then leaves."

Edward is now upset because he's hungry. I figure a snack for then would be good to keep them quiet on the way home. We stop at the Starbucks around the corner. I ask Edward if he wants to go in with me. He starts screaming and tells me not to abandon him again. He refuses to go in with me. I say fine. A minute later Edward joins me. We get our snacks then we make it home without anything else happening.

Today, our new Airman arrived at Fairchild so I invited him over for dinner. Not more than two minutes after picking him up I was driving by the clinic looked down and realized I was going 40 mph. I don't talk and drive very well at the same time. I realized it, slowed down in time to realize there was a cop car nearby. And yes, I got pulled over.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"Yes. I was speeding. I can't talk and drive at the same time. I was giving a windshield tour to my new
Airman here and realized I was speeding. Did you catch me going 40?"

"No, I caught you going 35 then accelerating to 39."

When he comes back with my papers he says. "No ticket today. I was studying when it started beeping. Slow down."

"Thank you!"

What a way to make a first impression.