Fly with Rabies

Hello fly with rabies flying around the bedroom. Most flies follow annoying zig zagging loose figure eights and occasionally landing with soft, yet infested, feet. Not this fly. It sounds like a single army - angrier than the fires of Mordor, bouncing violently off the ceiling. If it hits me, I know it will hurt.

I've thought about blogging at least a dozen times since July - and actually had two drafts started until about five minutes ago. Just like there's little point in keeping trophy jeans from 'the day' I don't like keeping drafts of anything that won't get published. So much has changed and I realize more than anything else I don't ever want to lose my words. A spark of inspiration and the glow of creativity are quickly smoldered when other more 'important' things take precedence. Do you know how sick I am of the trivial nonsense?

Life in this house seems to move around me. I'm starting to feel physically ill from the stress I bring home from work. Not usually a big deal to write off the shoulder and lower back tension but I've been getting incredibly sharp stabbing pains in the right side of my neck where you'd check your pulse. It's happening almost daily now and when it happens I can't do anything but grit my teeth and hope I don't pass out. My hands are also hurting. I was diagnosed over a decade ago with Raynaud's Disease, but I doubt it's related. All the joints in my hand ache all the time and if I carry anything heavy or awkward I get intense, sharp pain.

Separating work from home is difficult and even more so that JG and I work together. He says that if we didn't work together it would take twice as long to share about our days because we'd each be trying to help 'fix' each others' office instead of the same one. There's some merit to that. However, when we both can't sleep at night I'd honestly rather be making love then talking out what needs to happen the next duty day.

JG and I are still trying to find balance even though it's been three months since his homecoming. We've had three real dates since he's been home and we've exceeded the number of dates we had for all of calendar year 2011 (not including military functions). It's a good start.

I really need a new assignment. I think if my two worlds blend even more than they are I'll go crazy.