Livin' on a Prayer ...

Deployments are their most difficult about halfway through. The excitement and bravado and newness of it all has worn off, but you've still got just as much time as you've already served before you're heading home. When I first got here, my dear friend Stacia was at the point I am now. She took great satisfaction in reminding me of what I told her then: You're better than this ...

I keep telling myself I volunteered for the deployment, knowing what I was getting into. I guess it's just not working out the way I'd hoped. So taking the advice from another colleague and his blog (http://ironichipocrisy.blogspot.com/), I want to do what I can to "affect change." I've started writing down some things I think would make the assignment better for the person filling it as well as for the Air Force. Unfortunately, the only change I seem to be affecting these days are the pogs-as-nickels/dimes/quarters they give us out here ...

The other change being affected is my and Jennifer's relationship itself. Our marriage was so new when I left; Jennifer and I barely had time to enjoy each other in our matrimonious state. But struggles in communication, priorities and expectations are taking their toll and we're struggling through the days. If I were home, it would certainly be easier -- the struggle would be more like a wrestling match, and that's always fun. It's just hard to wrestle over the phone or email. Besides, they randomly monitor and wouldn't THAT be embarrassing ...

I'm finding myself unfulfilled spiritually as well. The military is finally deploying a Buddhist chaplain (http://www.airforcetimes.com/news/2009/09/ap_buddhistchaplain_090809/), which is good news. The bad news is he doesn't get here til December and will be somewhere in Afghanistan right as I'm preparing to leave. Then again, maybe he and I can spend Christmas together ...

I don't quite know how I got into this funk. I'm waiting for my boss to tell me that I have a bad attitude. My planned response is "yeah, that's 'cause my attitude is bad," but I'm not sure how well that will go over. I'm trying to bounce back and enjoy little things again - Jennifer sent me some totally grubbin' peanut brittle, have a stack of movies, books, magazines and crossword puzzles, and the HBO John Adams series. So lots of entertainment options. I should probably try to do some work also ...

I think my crummy mood started while I was in Panjshir. But there was one bright spot. The staff there regularly hike up this mountain behind the compound. I got up early one morning, just as they were about to set out to conquer "Blue Hill." The major there said I should try it, and so aww, hell, I went. Got about 3/4 of the way up before I almost passed out. Head was spinning, breaths were labored; I was miserable. But I was almost there. So the same major sat with me a minute until I was ready to go. One of the medics said I should probably turn back, which was good and practical advice. But as Jennifer points out, sometimes I'm just too stubborn. I finally made it up there and it was nice to have that victory. I'd accomplished something! I'd decided to take my troubles and like James Baldwin, "Go Tell it on the Mountain." I'm looking at you, fellow English majors ...

So maybe that's what I need. A challenge and (hopefully) ensuing victory. We're headed back out again soon, probably to Iraq again. There are some great folks we'll be working with, so hopefully a change of scenery and quality work will help me snap out of this. It just dawned on me that I'm hoping to improve my mood by GOING to Iraq. Irony is a cruel mistress ...

But wherever we end up going for our next mission, the fact remains that I'm just about 50% done with this deployment. Oh, we're halfway there ...

Tanks for the memories ...

Our team is deployed to the Panjshir Valley in Afghanistan right now, assigned to cover the mission of the provincial reconstruction team here. I'm a big fan of PRTs and spent a lot of time with them on my last tour over here. The teams work directly with the people in the villages to figure out what they need and how to help them get it. In the past, it's often meant a direct handout, but here in Panjshir, they're focused on teaching them how to govern themselves, how to request aid from their provincial leaders, how to get the people to work within the system to accomplish their goals. Yes, we're teaching the Afghans bureaucracy ...

But that's not such a bad thing and here it really seems to be working. Panjshir is considered to be the crown jewel among the provinces in that there aren't any real security issues, so our Airmen, Soldiers and (the) Sailor at the PRT here are able to get out and help mentor them on building schools, creating infrastructure and getting this place up and going so, well, WE can be up and going and not have to come back. But there's a catch; there's always a catch. Unless you're watching a Mets game, in which case there is usually a catch, sometimes a catch, hopefully a catch ...

Panjshir, like much of Afghanistan, is mostly mountains. So to get to the sites where our folks tell them, "This mixture of cement has too much water, so it won't hold the bricks," or, "Bathrooms can NOT drain downhill into the village," and the like, it means long drives over and around said mountains. I honestly was scared a few times we were going to slide down the side of one of the roads just barely wide enough for the Toyota truck we were in. But the folks here know these roads and how to get to the most remote villages. After that, it can sometimes be a hike ... a hike UP the mountain. These kids actually do walk two miles uphill through the snow just to get to school. So apparently, all of our parents went to school in Afghanistan ...

But that's where the story is, so along for the ride I go. Now for some, it's clowns to the left, jokers to the right. For others, it's between a rock and a hard place. Me, I sat between our mujahadeen guard and a guy "from the State Department" during one of our forays. So between the company I was keeping, the mountain we had to climb and the ever-present forces of gravity should our driver zig instead of zag, it's been an adventure. Knew I should have taken my Indiana Jones hat with me ...

And while Indy mostly fought the Nazis, in his last film he contended with Soviets (and aliens, apparently ...), which is exactly what the people in Panjshir did (fight Russians, I mean, not "archeologists from outer space"). The people here have been at war for 30 years. They repelled the Soviet invasion and there's evidence all over the countryside. Old Soviet tanks and personnel carriers litter the countryside, rusted metal hunks of a failed endeavor. The Panjshiri also kicked the Taliban out because they persecuted the people and tried to strongarm them into fighting against us. The Panjshiri instead chose not to. So we've very much learned from the examples before us, which is refreshing. And if we ever get to the point where we lose our way here in Afghanistan, well, we've got some reminders ...