Judy's ashes are ready to pick up from the vet's office. Is it bad I have a curiosity of wondering what type of container handles such contents? I visited my girlfriend for a quick minute today and stole a peak at their puppies who are only about a month old. Lab and boxer mix and oh my goodness are they the most adorable little creatures. Then I got all choked up because that's about the size Ju-Ju Girl was when I adopted her.
This weekend our base was busy helping linemen get to the East Cost to help the folks on Long Island get their power back So, I was too busy to dwell on the thought of getting a puppy. Now in the still of my thoughts I wonder how much crazier things would be around here.
Edward told us on the way home from putting Judy down that if I never had adopted her that we all wouldn't be hurting so much right now. I'm not sure how I feel about introducing him to a pet he's going to love dearly then mourn even harder come about his 18th birthday.
Needless to say I've worked through the vet hours the last two days. I may just wait until JG gets home mid week before I muster the courage. For three days I had tears, but I didn't cry. Until JG held me and told me he was so sorry about Judy. Then I lost it. Sometimes it takes a kind word to let down your shield. I'm okay with it if JG is my armor.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Judy
Judy's x-ray this morning revealed she had lung cancer. Her lungs were filled with nodules - I knew seeing the picture wouldn't have made a difference in my decision. Within two days her health declined significantly. We kept Zachary and Edward home from school today. We were all with her when the vet put her to sleep. I hope the boys take comfort in the fact that she exceeded a mutt's normal life span of 10-12 years significantly - she was pushing 16. We will be taking her ashes to Maine and burying her at my childhood home next summer.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Fly with Rabies
Hello fly with rabies flying around the bedroom. Most flies follow annoying zig zagging loose figure eights and occasionally landing with soft, yet infested, feet. Not this fly. It sounds like a single army - angrier than the fires of Mordor, bouncing violently off the ceiling. If it hits me, I know it will hurt.
I've thought about blogging at least a dozen times since July - and actually had two drafts started until about five minutes ago. Just like there's little point in keeping trophy jeans from 'the day' I don't like keeping drafts of anything that won't get published. So much has changed and I realize more than anything else I don't ever want to lose my words. A spark of inspiration and the glow of creativity are quickly smoldered when other more 'important' things take precedence. Do you know how sick I am of the trivial nonsense?
Life in this house seems to move around me. I'm starting to feel physically ill from the stress I bring home from work. Not usually a big deal to write off the shoulder and lower back tension but I've been getting incredibly sharp stabbing pains in the right side of my neck where you'd check your pulse. It's happening almost daily now and when it happens I can't do anything but grit my teeth and hope I don't pass out. My hands are also hurting. I was diagnosed over a decade ago with Raynaud's Disease, but I doubt it's related. All the joints in my hand ache all the time and if I carry anything heavy or awkward I get intense, sharp pain.
Separating work from home is difficult and even more so that JG and I work together. He says that if we didn't work together it would take twice as long to share about our days because we'd each be trying to help 'fix' each others' office instead of the same one. There's some merit to that. However, when we both can't sleep at night I'd honestly rather be making love then talking out what needs to happen the next duty day.
JG and I are still trying to find balance even though it's been three months since his homecoming. We've had three real dates since he's been home and we've exceeded the number of dates we had for all of calendar year 2011 (not including military functions). It's a good start.
I really need a new assignment. I think if my two worlds blend even more than they are I'll go crazy.
I've thought about blogging at least a dozen times since July - and actually had two drafts started until about five minutes ago. Just like there's little point in keeping trophy jeans from 'the day' I don't like keeping drafts of anything that won't get published. So much has changed and I realize more than anything else I don't ever want to lose my words. A spark of inspiration and the glow of creativity are quickly smoldered when other more 'important' things take precedence. Do you know how sick I am of the trivial nonsense?
Life in this house seems to move around me. I'm starting to feel physically ill from the stress I bring home from work. Not usually a big deal to write off the shoulder and lower back tension but I've been getting incredibly sharp stabbing pains in the right side of my neck where you'd check your pulse. It's happening almost daily now and when it happens I can't do anything but grit my teeth and hope I don't pass out. My hands are also hurting. I was diagnosed over a decade ago with Raynaud's Disease, but I doubt it's related. All the joints in my hand ache all the time and if I carry anything heavy or awkward I get intense, sharp pain.
Separating work from home is difficult and even more so that JG and I work together. He says that if we didn't work together it would take twice as long to share about our days because we'd each be trying to help 'fix' each others' office instead of the same one. There's some merit to that. However, when we both can't sleep at night I'd honestly rather be making love then talking out what needs to happen the next duty day.
JG and I are still trying to find balance even though it's been three months since his homecoming. We've had three real dates since he's been home and we've exceeded the number of dates we had for all of calendar year 2011 (not including military functions). It's a good start.
I really need a new assignment. I think if my two worlds blend even more than they are I'll go crazy.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
First Light
I was up before the sun. Things are so different now than they were a month ago. JG is home and my armor is slowly coming off and the sighs of relief are deep and unguarded. :)
Friday, June 8, 2012
Counting The Hours
JG is literally on his way home. I have butterflies in my stomach. I can't wait to see him and the look on his face when he's seen how big his three sons have grown! Michael was about two weeks old when JG left. He's made the most changes. Zachary and Edward have each grown taller. Zachary is getting ready to start wearing a pump for his diabetes. Edward's sternum is healing from when he cracked it with his own head on the trampoline. The trampoline is new. I can't wait to jump on it myself one day. I really can't wait for JG to jostle Zachary on it a bit so he understands what his brother must feel like when they jump together. I'll watch from a safe distance from JG's hammock - his father's day present from last year.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Rain All Week
Rain all week. Raw and cold and bitter. (If you were hoping for a happy post go ahead and just x out now.)
Yesterday I was miserable at physical therapy. Most sessions I leave feeling a bit sore, but never feeling like I may not make it back to the car. It was the first time since I've been back to work that I seriously second guessed myself for getting the severed ACL repaired before JG got home. And let me tell you, I was surprised -- two exercises I had a hard time with came to me easier yesterday. One was doing side steps each direction with a band around my legs just above the knees. The other was doing mini squats leaning up against the wall on an exercise ball. I was technically perfect and didn't need rest in the middle of any of my sets like I had the session before. My confidence was high (even though I was exhausted).
Then, the dreaded step. It's a baby step, maybe only about three inches tall. I'm supposed to stand on it with the bad right leg then bend at the knee and lower myself into a squat keeping the hips even, my booty pushed back and most, if not all, my weight on the bad leg without letting my knee go over my foot. I'm supposed to repeat this motion. Well, I'm supposed to repeat the motion when I get it right. I spent the entire time on that exercise trying to get it right. It's a tiny little motion. My physical therapy technician calls it my 'wall.'
I'm anxious to see how tomorrow's session goes.
Yesterday I was miserable at physical therapy. Most sessions I leave feeling a bit sore, but never feeling like I may not make it back to the car. It was the first time since I've been back to work that I seriously second guessed myself for getting the severed ACL repaired before JG got home. And let me tell you, I was surprised -- two exercises I had a hard time with came to me easier yesterday. One was doing side steps each direction with a band around my legs just above the knees. The other was doing mini squats leaning up against the wall on an exercise ball. I was technically perfect and didn't need rest in the middle of any of my sets like I had the session before. My confidence was high (even though I was exhausted).
Then, the dreaded step. It's a baby step, maybe only about three inches tall. I'm supposed to stand on it with the bad right leg then bend at the knee and lower myself into a squat keeping the hips even, my booty pushed back and most, if not all, my weight on the bad leg without letting my knee go over my foot. I'm supposed to repeat this motion. Well, I'm supposed to repeat the motion when I get it right. I spent the entire time on that exercise trying to get it right. It's a tiny little motion. My physical therapy technician calls it my 'wall.'
I'm anxious to see how tomorrow's session goes.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Home Soon
JG tells me today that his replacement will get in a week earlier than expected. Of course, this news comes right in the middle of an argument. I don't feel any joy. I'm too upset to be excited and was indifferent on the phone with him and responded with an "oh, that's good, that was a lot earlier than we were expecting."
Since the phone call, the argument several hours later on instant messenger went from bad to worse. I'm wasting Memorial Day right now sobbing in bed like a heartbroken teenager.
The argument was clearly a miscommunication on both our parts, but it's not resolved. During our resolution, things got worse when a modified version of "reflective listening" became a one-way street.
I'm so fed up with the year 2012. It can go fuck itself ass-to-mouth style. I'm that furious.
Since the phone call, the argument several hours later on instant messenger went from bad to worse. I'm wasting Memorial Day right now sobbing in bed like a heartbroken teenager.
The argument was clearly a miscommunication on both our parts, but it's not resolved. During our resolution, things got worse when a modified version of "reflective listening" became a one-way street.
I'm so fed up with the year 2012. It can go fuck itself ass-to-mouth style. I'm that furious.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Judy get off the Trampoline
I wasn't the first to think of butter poaching eggs.
"Using a 10-inch skillet heat 2-tablespoons of butter over medium heat until just melted, but not sizzling. Carefully add 4 eggs to the pan one at a time, being careful not to break the yolks. Cover the pan and turn the heat to low. I like to use a glasscover so I can see how they are doing without letting heat out of the pan. When the whites are cooked through and the yolks are still soft (2-4 minutes depending on the temperature of the eggs and the pan) remove the pan from the heat and remove the cover so the eggs don’t overcook. " (courtesy of http://www.sipnibblesmile.com)
This is my breakfast. And if my stomach doesn't stop growling it might be my midnight snack.
For all the dieting haves and have nots, I have to say that I have quite a few win cards. Avocados, cream cheese, Starbucks' whole-milk, sugar free, no whip mochas when I want to indulge, steak, dreamfields pasta, Adkins brand peanut butter cups, tomatoes, salmon, butter, sour cream, breyer's carb-friendly ice cream, asparagus, bacon, make it myself whipped cream with different flavors to stir in my coffee at home, mayonnaise (Hellman's on East Coast, Best Foods on West Coast - when I moved to Texas I tracked down Hellman and DEMANDED they sell mayo to me in Texas only to find out it's one and the same. Good thing for them ...) Olives, Starbucks' Pikes with half n half with Splenda when i'm being good.
I am drinking a lot of coffee lately. I LOVE the taste of coffee - but lately it's been a necessity. I can't function without it. I feel hung over at least twice a week from the lack of sleep. It's not like I give a cute little yawn and exclaim I could sleep another hour, it's resetting my alarm to squeeze in another 30 minutes and opening up my eyes what feels like 3 seconds later to spring out the door only to struggle keeping my eyes open while driving the whole five minutes to work. Venti, please.
These last two weeks or so have been brutally rough. Both Michael and Ju-Ju needed extra attention. Michael had an ear infection which required antibiotics twice a day so instead of the regular nursing routine I had to make sure he didn't get too full so he'd take his medicine. Then Judy has to have half an anti-inflammatory pill and an antibiotic pill twice a day ... so there's hiding her meds in what would normally be a snack for me. She's also wearing a cone to prevent her from licking her paw, but there's extra care in making sure we take it off in the morning so she can eat and drink okay ... then remembering to put it back on. Oh yeah, and making sure Edward remembers to feed her too.
I'm making up my film class work this semester ... that issue was finally resolved but it's one more thing added to the plate along with yard upkeep, Zach's official helper on his science fair project (I had to sign a paper!), collecting newspapers off the front lawn (I'd actually tip paper boy if i could reach it from my door).
I just dozed off in the middle of a keystroke. I'm calling it a night.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Daffodils
The flu struck our house yesterday. My stomach was aching at about one o'clock in the morning. I tossed and turned and was burping and tasting my medication and vitamins I took right before bed. Maybe I didn't eat enough with it. But when a salty rush of saliva coated the inside of my mouth I laid in bed in denial an extra few seconds before realizing I was running out of time. While hobbling to the bathroom (knee surgery was March 13) I clamped both hands over my mouth only to divert the flood through my nose. I couldn't kneel over the toilet and had to hover and aim the best I could. It was very awkward. So wasn't every other instance yesterday.
My mom was a life-saver. She and her husband, Mark, had flown out the day before JG's mom, Martha left. I desperately needed the help after the surgery. My mom made me broth, gave me crackers, took care of the boys while I rested. Then about lunchtime it hit Zachary. He cried. He screamed. He cried and screamed "I need to go to the hospital" each time he went into the bathroom. A couple hours later it hit Edward - only it was coming out both ends. We learned that Edward could not anticipate diarrhea. Ever. We also learned he could not anticipate puking. Ever. About the time I could hold down a sip of water Grandma and Grandpa were starting to feel ill. I'm just now getting over the sweats, chills and body aches and cramps. The boys? Both were just about back to normal by 7 a.m. Youth.
Luckily Michael isn't sick. I'm guessing the antibodies in the breast milk were waiting on the virus.
Our housekeeper, Jackie, came this morning. I met her at the door and told her we had flu and not to worry about cleaning. She said it didn't bother her and alluded to the fact that she bled bleach and pine sol. I was thankful for the extra disinfecting.
I feel bad Mom and Mark have to travel home feeling ill. It's no fun being sick in the comfort of your own home - traveling while sick, ugh. I hope they're over it before their plane leaves first thing in the morning.
So, now, all the family is gone. I burned all the leave I can to help me ease back into the current normal routine of work and kids. I need to tackle the next few months so they go by fast. I'll be starting physical therapy soon to rehabilitate the knee and finishing the film class I got an incomplete on last year.
Life is so much better and easier with JG - I hate being apart from him. I can't wait to spoil him with good food and affection. I can't wait for family movie nights with the whole family. My cold feet miss stealing his warm at night. But, mostly, I think that I miss making him laugh and smile the most - in person. There's only about 12 more weekends, five more pay days and three more mortgage payments to get through before I can try.
Friday, March 9, 2012
With raspberry filling (you'll get it)
Tomorrow I'm having a luncheon to celebrate my promotion. It's something I've been looking forward to for weeks - one of the biggest milestones in my career should be celebrated, right?
I ordered a pink champagne cake - made with real champagne. I tried it in cupcake format at a bridal show my friend Heather, bride-to-be, took me to in January. If the cake is as delicious and beautiful as I think it will be I'll post the link to the bakery.
Zachary and Edward, having off from school anyway for parent-teacher conferences, are going as well - then we'll be headed to get their new military ID cards. (Family ID cards have their sponsor's rank on them.) I had wanted the boys to get haircuts tonight, but it didn't happen.
I'm not much in the mood for celebrating. I think I've cried every day this week. I'm not sure how much of it is stress or how much is just exhaustion. I've been feeling overwhelmed for weeks now. I just have to get through tomorrow - then I'm taking a day of leave Monday to prepare the house for company and my crutches. Surgery is Tuesday morning.
Zachary is 11, but he worries like he's an adult. He asked if something "happened" to me during surgery who would he and his brothers stay with until Dad was able to fly back. I told him either Ms Cheyenne or Ms Heather. That met his approval and he's not brought the subject up again.
I'm in serious need of a hug.
I ordered a pink champagne cake - made with real champagne. I tried it in cupcake format at a bridal show my friend Heather, bride-to-be, took me to in January. If the cake is as delicious and beautiful as I think it will be I'll post the link to the bakery.
Zachary and Edward, having off from school anyway for parent-teacher conferences, are going as well - then we'll be headed to get their new military ID cards. (Family ID cards have their sponsor's rank on them.) I had wanted the boys to get haircuts tonight, but it didn't happen.
I'm not much in the mood for celebrating. I think I've cried every day this week. I'm not sure how much of it is stress or how much is just exhaustion. I've been feeling overwhelmed for weeks now. I just have to get through tomorrow - then I'm taking a day of leave Monday to prepare the house for company and my crutches. Surgery is Tuesday morning.
Zachary is 11, but he worries like he's an adult. He asked if something "happened" to me during surgery who would he and his brothers stay with until Dad was able to fly back. I told him either Ms Cheyenne or Ms Heather. That met his approval and he's not brought the subject up again.
I'm in serious need of a hug.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
First Impressions
I've had an eventful weekend. Yesterday I decided to take the truck into Spokane because it has the really nice snow tires and I love my truck. It was snowing HARD, and it was so warm I swear there was 8 inches of slush on the road. After dropping Zach off at Sylvan, Edward, Baby Michael and I went to ToysRus to get a birthday present for Edward's friend Max.
On the way back to pick up Zachary, the truck spun out of control while I was traveling I-90 East. Luckily no one was near me. We skidded. The second Edward felt the truck slip he SCREAMED at the top of his lungs, and was crying and kept SCREAMING. We "landed" facing oncoming traffic in the far left lane. I went to turn the truck around and nothing. The truck was completely locked up - how the heck did I blow the transmission?
Through Edward's screaming and crying I shouted at him to keep his seatbelt on. "Why, will I die?"
Very matter of fact I replied "Yes, Edward, if you take that seatbelt off and we get hit by a car you could die, so please keep it on."
Which only begged more screaming and crying as I'm calling 9-1-1 to get a police car out there. (I did tell them I had an infant and a 7-year-old with me, hoping they'd move faster.) Not many cars were driving in the far left lane, but it was evident when they saw me ... a few close calls happened while waiting for a policeman to hopefully keep our lane clear until a tow truck could come.
How the heck did I blow the transmission?
After the third near miss from an oncoming car I decided we couldn't stay in the truck like sitting ducks. I dialed the only person in our office who lived in Spokane Valley .... and then someone stopped in the middle lane, threw on his hazards and ran over to us.
"Is anyone hurt?"
"No, we're fine."
"I'm going to stop traffic so you can turn around."
"I can't move, the truck is locked up. I don't know what happened to it."
"Hit the gas, let me listen."
"The gas is all the way to the floor, nothing."
"Put it in reverse."
"Nothing."
"Is it running? Try starting it ......... no no, you need to be in park first."
And then, my truck started.
"Ok, pull forward a bit, let's make sure it goes."
It did.
Superdude stopped the only moving lane on the highway while I turned around and got to the shoulder. Snow had completely caked all my windows and I couldn't see. It was then I noticed the little red pickup in the ditch, and what looked to be blood spatter on the windshield. Did this person go off the road and die because of me?
With Edward unconscionable and still screaming at the top of his lungs I approached the truck. The door swings open and I see the red puffy face of a teenage girl.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
The 'blood spatter' was the shadow from her crazy ponytail. "Did you hit your head?" Only then noticing that her truck had been stopped by deep snow, nothing else.
"No."
"How long have you been here?"
"About 15 minutes."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
Superdude flies over. I run back to the truck to try and comfort Edward again. This time him and the baby are crying. "Stop leaving me. We're going to die. Michael is crying. You need to feed him now or he's going to die."
I was hugging him, telling him it was okay, but nothing I said was going to matter. I brushed the snow off the truck, we merged back on the hwy and we were only two blocks away from Zachary when a light turned red as we were going up a massive hill. When it turned green, we were stuck. After being stuck for 10 minutes there was finally a commercial vehicle behind me. I jumped out and ran over.
"I've been stuck for ten minutes, I have an infant in the back seat and I can't be here all day. I have snow tires, but there's no grip - even when I've been able to back up a foot or two I can't get moving forward."
"Is it in 4-wheel drive?"
"No. I don't have 4-wheel drive."
"Oh."
"Yeah. It sucks. I'm open to suggestions here. I really need your help."
"Well, if I could see, I'd back up to let you turn onto 28th. Can you drive backwards?"
"Well yeah. In that case, there's only one, no, he just changed lanes. You're clear now."
"Ok."
"Thanks!"
We got to Zachary's slyvan. Edward was still panicked from earlier. He begged me to let him get Zachary out early. We were early by about five minutes so I said sure.
Edward comes running back to the truck and about two minutes later Zachary come out. He's got a goofy grin on his face. "Mom, what was that all about?"
"What do you mean?"
"Edward comes into Sylvan and shouts to everyone 'Is there a Zachary Gregoire in here? The sidewalks are wet. We've got to go.' Then leaves."
Edward is now upset because he's hungry. I figure a snack for then would be good to keep them quiet on the way home. We stop at the Starbucks around the corner. I ask Edward if he wants to go in with me. He starts screaming and tells me not to abandon him again. He refuses to go in with me. I say fine. A minute later Edward joins me. We get our snacks then we make it home without anything else happening.
Today, our new Airman arrived at Fairchild so I invited him over for dinner. Not more than two minutes after picking him up I was driving by the clinic looked down and realized I was going 40 mph. I don't talk and drive very well at the same time. I realized it, slowed down in time to realize there was a cop car nearby. And yes, I got pulled over.
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Yes. I was speeding. I can't talk and drive at the same time. I was giving a windshield tour to my new
Airman here and realized I was speeding. Did you catch me going 40?"
"No, I caught you going 35 then accelerating to 39."
When he comes back with my papers he says. "No ticket today. I was studying when it started beeping. Slow down."
"Thank you!"
What a way to make a first impression.
On the way back to pick up Zachary, the truck spun out of control while I was traveling I-90 East. Luckily no one was near me. We skidded. The second Edward felt the truck slip he SCREAMED at the top of his lungs, and was crying and kept SCREAMING. We "landed" facing oncoming traffic in the far left lane. I went to turn the truck around and nothing. The truck was completely locked up - how the heck did I blow the transmission?
Through Edward's screaming and crying I shouted at him to keep his seatbelt on. "Why, will I die?"
Very matter of fact I replied "Yes, Edward, if you take that seatbelt off and we get hit by a car you could die, so please keep it on."
Which only begged more screaming and crying as I'm calling 9-1-1 to get a police car out there. (I did tell them I had an infant and a 7-year-old with me, hoping they'd move faster.) Not many cars were driving in the far left lane, but it was evident when they saw me ... a few close calls happened while waiting for a policeman to hopefully keep our lane clear until a tow truck could come.
How the heck did I blow the transmission?
After the third near miss from an oncoming car I decided we couldn't stay in the truck like sitting ducks. I dialed the only person in our office who lived in Spokane Valley .... and then someone stopped in the middle lane, threw on his hazards and ran over to us.
"Is anyone hurt?"
"No, we're fine."
"I'm going to stop traffic so you can turn around."
"I can't move, the truck is locked up. I don't know what happened to it."
"Hit the gas, let me listen."
"The gas is all the way to the floor, nothing."
"Put it in reverse."
"Nothing."
"Is it running? Try starting it ......... no no, you need to be in park first."
And then, my truck started.
"Ok, pull forward a bit, let's make sure it goes."
It did.
Superdude stopped the only moving lane on the highway while I turned around and got to the shoulder. Snow had completely caked all my windows and I couldn't see. It was then I noticed the little red pickup in the ditch, and what looked to be blood spatter on the windshield. Did this person go off the road and die because of me?
With Edward unconscionable and still screaming at the top of his lungs I approached the truck. The door swings open and I see the red puffy face of a teenage girl.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
The 'blood spatter' was the shadow from her crazy ponytail. "Did you hit your head?" Only then noticing that her truck had been stopped by deep snow, nothing else.
"No."
"How long have you been here?"
"About 15 minutes."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
Superdude flies over. I run back to the truck to try and comfort Edward again. This time him and the baby are crying. "Stop leaving me. We're going to die. Michael is crying. You need to feed him now or he's going to die."
I was hugging him, telling him it was okay, but nothing I said was going to matter. I brushed the snow off the truck, we merged back on the hwy and we were only two blocks away from Zachary when a light turned red as we were going up a massive hill. When it turned green, we were stuck. After being stuck for 10 minutes there was finally a commercial vehicle behind me. I jumped out and ran over.
"I've been stuck for ten minutes, I have an infant in the back seat and I can't be here all day. I have snow tires, but there's no grip - even when I've been able to back up a foot or two I can't get moving forward."
"Is it in 4-wheel drive?"
"No. I don't have 4-wheel drive."
"Oh."
"Yeah. It sucks. I'm open to suggestions here. I really need your help."
"Well, if I could see, I'd back up to let you turn onto 28th. Can you drive backwards?"
"Well yeah. In that case, there's only one, no, he just changed lanes. You're clear now."
"Ok."
"Thanks!"
We got to Zachary's slyvan. Edward was still panicked from earlier. He begged me to let him get Zachary out early. We were early by about five minutes so I said sure.
Edward comes running back to the truck and about two minutes later Zachary come out. He's got a goofy grin on his face. "Mom, what was that all about?"
"What do you mean?"
"Edward comes into Sylvan and shouts to everyone 'Is there a Zachary Gregoire in here? The sidewalks are wet. We've got to go.' Then leaves."
Edward is now upset because he's hungry. I figure a snack for then would be good to keep them quiet on the way home. We stop at the Starbucks around the corner. I ask Edward if he wants to go in with me. He starts screaming and tells me not to abandon him again. He refuses to go in with me. I say fine. A minute later Edward joins me. We get our snacks then we make it home without anything else happening.
Today, our new Airman arrived at Fairchild so I invited him over for dinner. Not more than two minutes after picking him up I was driving by the clinic looked down and realized I was going 40 mph. I don't talk and drive very well at the same time. I realized it, slowed down in time to realize there was a cop car nearby. And yes, I got pulled over.
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Yes. I was speeding. I can't talk and drive at the same time. I was giving a windshield tour to my new
Airman here and realized I was speeding. Did you catch me going 40?"
"No, I caught you going 35 then accelerating to 39."
When he comes back with my papers he says. "No ticket today. I was studying when it started beeping. Slow down."
"Thank you!"
What a way to make a first impression.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Pearl and Poison Ivy Green
Today I finally broke down and got artificial gel nails. The last time I had this done was when I was in NCO Academy last year. Shortly after coming home I was pregnant and I thought with all the prenatal vitamins on my side I could maintain healthy natural nails. After a year of trying, I gave up. All too often I'd have a perfect natural even set manicured just to have a nail break. And then another and then another. Yep, I'm done. I love pretty nails. My tips are 'pearl' so it's not so harsh of a French with the bright white. Plus, with the tips there's less gel so these are thinner - only slightly more thick than my actual nail. My friend Cheyenne went with me and got a pedicure so when baby Michael needed attention she had the free hands while I was tied up. My nail tech was so efficient I even had time to get a 'quick and easy' pedi before Cheyenne was finished with hers. I have such a beautiful green on my toes - it's not as metallic as emerald, it's more of a bright vegetation green that I dubbed poison ivy.I really enjoyed my long weekend. I got my grocery shopping knocked out Friday night and was able to get a head start on cooking for the weekend. I took advantage of extra time to skype with JG - the baby is absolutely fascinated with JG's image on the screen and the sound of his voice. I was able to buy baby clothes, a mobile for the crib and some other baby odds and ends while Zachary went to Sylvan. I bought a new chef knife at a Pampered Chef party. Then friends came over for character creation for a new Star Wars role playing game that we'll start soon. I cooked homemade spaghetti sauce for a low-carb pasta bake then whipped up brownies from scratch served with haagen das vanilla. Mmmmm. The next day I met with my trainer. Again, I walked away exhausted and with a new favorite exercise I hate. I lost two pounds in the last two weeks. Although weight loss isn't my goal (being able to do push ups IS) it felt good to know that my Wii Fit finally stopped effing with me. After my workout I went shopping with my friend Heather and her teenage daughter with Michael in tow. I took advantage of triple points at Best Buy.
Today was a quiet day - I spent most of it studying for my next online senior NCO test called a course 14. I only left the house to get my nails doneThere was some strained relations happening with my family back home this week. Sometimes I really don't think they realize how lucky they are to be so close to one another.
Took a nap with Michael. Woke up to find my Edward crashed out on the new papazan chair. This was one of four special I love you presents from JG since he's been gone. The first was an ipod and I've got flowers at work twice. Once marking a combination I love you, happy birthday, first day back at work and promotion congratulations. The other marked Valentine's Day.I miss JG so much. We were getting really close to 40 percent through this deployment based on his deployed calculator. I'm trying to stay a busy as I can to pass the time.
Hitting my 10-year anniversary in the Air Force
Ten years ago, I couldn't wait to see the new "Star Wars" movie. So naturally, that's what I focused on during that fateful bus ride on my way to begin basic military training. Thinking about lightsaber fights and epic space battles distracted me from second guessing this life-changing decision.
But here I am, 10 years later, celebrating this milestone during my fourth deployment to the Middle East. Like many Americans, I, too, joined the military as a result of 9/11. At the time, I was in my mid-20s with little to show for it and even less ambition in life.
All that changed on a bitter February morning, when a group of us discovered a thing or two about motivation when the booming voice of a military training instructor bellowed out "Move! Move! Move!" as we stumbled out of the bus as quickly as we could.
The next few weeks of our lives were dominated by a "sense of urgency," moving "with a purpose" and avoiding being "lacksidaisical."
That's not even a word!
Of course, I wasn't going to correct the grammar of the tall, skinny staff sergeant with the wide-brimmed hat and thick Southern accent. After all, he'd made a point of figuring out how to pronounce my last name, and the first thing you learn in basic training is don't give the instructors any more reason to pay "special attention" to you than necessary.
It was the first lesson of many more to come during my first decade in the in the Air Force. So on this anniversary, I find myself reflecting on what else I've learned over the last 10 years. After all, we learn how to be Airmen from our peers, coworkers and supervisors. Each person we meet sets an example - both good and bad - of the kind of professional we strive to emulate or avoid.
But rather than focusing on the few bad apples, I've been thinking about the people who stand out as my role models and some of what they've taught me about being an Airman:
I learned what it means to be a leader among peers from an Airman in my sister flight at BMT and then again in my class during technical training school. Since day one, she's always dedicated herself to the point where she doesn't just excel at everything she does, she also makes it look easy.
At my first duty station, my first supervisor demanded excellence and insisted I give my best every day. He was quick to critique when something was wrong, but quicker with praise when something was right.
Your rank doesn't dictate your capability or how you treat other people, one of our lieutenants showed me. He was more interested in leading by example than micromanaging our days.
The captain in charge of our office trusted and believed in me, the best kind of inspiration an officer can give a young Airman. He once told me that people will never forget if you give them the opportunity to save face when they've made a mistake.
A captain I worked with during my second assignment insisted that confidence is just as important as competence, and your reputation comes from both. When we deployed together, he made sure everyone in the office knew their value to the mission. How he maintains his humility, I'll never know.
I learned that we're responsible for our own careers from a senior NCO who kept a jar of nails on his desk (the rumor was he was so tough he'd eat them for breakfast). If there's something you want, he'd often say, you have to be proactive. No one is going to hand you opportunities; you have to find them and you have to earn them.
And then one day came a revelation.
When I started dating (and eventually married) a fellow Airman, she helped me realize all those lessons weren't just about becoming a better Airman myself.
Leadership and dedication, critique and praise, trust and respect, honor and inspiration, attitude and aptitude, responsibility and drive also make us better spouses, better parents and better people.
I've also come to appreciate that the Air Force we're in now isn't "ours." It belongs to our replacements. That's why it's not just enough to learn from our mentors; we have to actually apply those lessons.
Every day is an opportunity to show your quality.
And unless you share knowledge with others, it's a finite resource that only exists as long as you're around.
Your legacy is the impact you have on others, so I hope I've passed something positive along to my fellow Airmen and my three sons. After all, I've benefitted a great deal from my mentors these 10 years.
And while being deployed can get overwhelming at times, one of the things that distracts me from missing my family is looking forward to watching movies together when I get home. First on the list, "Star Wars."
But here I am, 10 years later, celebrating this milestone during my fourth deployment to the Middle East. Like many Americans, I, too, joined the military as a result of 9/11. At the time, I was in my mid-20s with little to show for it and even less ambition in life.
All that changed on a bitter February morning, when a group of us discovered a thing or two about motivation when the booming voice of a military training instructor bellowed out "Move! Move! Move!" as we stumbled out of the bus as quickly as we could.
The next few weeks of our lives were dominated by a "sense of urgency," moving "with a purpose" and avoiding being "lacksidaisical."
That's not even a word!
Of course, I wasn't going to correct the grammar of the tall, skinny staff sergeant with the wide-brimmed hat and thick Southern accent. After all, he'd made a point of figuring out how to pronounce my last name, and the first thing you learn in basic training is don't give the instructors any more reason to pay "special attention" to you than necessary.
It was the first lesson of many more to come during my first decade in the in the Air Force. So on this anniversary, I find myself reflecting on what else I've learned over the last 10 years. After all, we learn how to be Airmen from our peers, coworkers and supervisors. Each person we meet sets an example - both good and bad - of the kind of professional we strive to emulate or avoid.
But rather than focusing on the few bad apples, I've been thinking about the people who stand out as my role models and some of what they've taught me about being an Airman:
I learned what it means to be a leader among peers from an Airman in my sister flight at BMT and then again in my class during technical training school. Since day one, she's always dedicated herself to the point where she doesn't just excel at everything she does, she also makes it look easy.
At my first duty station, my first supervisor demanded excellence and insisted I give my best every day. He was quick to critique when something was wrong, but quicker with praise when something was right.
Your rank doesn't dictate your capability or how you treat other people, one of our lieutenants showed me. He was more interested in leading by example than micromanaging our days.
The captain in charge of our office trusted and believed in me, the best kind of inspiration an officer can give a young Airman. He once told me that people will never forget if you give them the opportunity to save face when they've made a mistake.
A captain I worked with during my second assignment insisted that confidence is just as important as competence, and your reputation comes from both. When we deployed together, he made sure everyone in the office knew their value to the mission. How he maintains his humility, I'll never know.
I learned that we're responsible for our own careers from a senior NCO who kept a jar of nails on his desk (the rumor was he was so tough he'd eat them for breakfast). If there's something you want, he'd often say, you have to be proactive. No one is going to hand you opportunities; you have to find them and you have to earn them.
And then one day came a revelation.
When I started dating (and eventually married) a fellow Airman, she helped me realize all those lessons weren't just about becoming a better Airman myself.
Leadership and dedication, critique and praise, trust and respect, honor and inspiration, attitude and aptitude, responsibility and drive also make us better spouses, better parents and better people.
I've also come to appreciate that the Air Force we're in now isn't "ours." It belongs to our replacements. That's why it's not just enough to learn from our mentors; we have to actually apply those lessons.
Every day is an opportunity to show your quality.
And unless you share knowledge with others, it's a finite resource that only exists as long as you're around.
Your legacy is the impact you have on others, so I hope I've passed something positive along to my fellow Airmen and my three sons. After all, I've benefitted a great deal from my mentors these 10 years.
And while being deployed can get overwhelming at times, one of the things that distracts me from missing my family is looking forward to watching movies together when I get home. First on the list, "Star Wars."
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Averting Meltdown
I've been back at work two weeks. Michael is always one of the first babies dropped off and almost always the last baby to be picked up. Pumping to keep up with him is a never-ending battle ... Friday he was just dropped off with empty bottles for formula because he had nursed so many times after we got home Thursday night, through the night and into the morning. At his eight-week appointment he had gained nearly four pounds since his previous visit. He now weighs more than thirteen pounds!
The boys' lunch accounts were in the negative. Edward's teacher actually sent me an email offering to look into free or reduced school lunches. If the kid doesn't tell me he's out of lunch money I don't give him lunch money. The warning emails for a low balance are actually set up to go to JG's email. I sent them each in with checks for $100.00. That should get us through February.
Friends came over for dinner tonight. We're going to start a new Star Wars RPG. This will be something fun to look forward to, though it defiantly won't be the same with JG gone.
I started training with a personal trainer last weekend. Tomorrow will be my third session. His name is Shawn. I think if he had hair it would be red. He's wicked Irish. I say that because I learned he's from Maine. Shawn is going to help me get better at my pushups. More to come.
Tomorrow is the Super Bowl. Zachary is excited his old favorite team (Patriots) is playing his new favorite team. I'm sure JG is going to make a point to wake up early to watch the game.
My housekeeper, Jackie, has been coming every other week since mid-December. These last two weeks at work have clarified my limitations - I need her every week.
I need a lot of things every week. Mostly sleep. I could really conquer the world if I had some. I can't sleep right now - JG and I are not on the same planet today. I hate when our orbits are out of sync.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year
2012 is proving to be full of challenges.
Last week I had an MRI done on my right knee - and it turns our I tore my ACL. The injury happened back in February and I went to physical therapy to treat my sprain. When I stopped progressing they sent me for an MRI, but by then I was pregnant with baby Michael. After reading up on that type of injury, 90% of patients who get surgery to repair it make a full recovery. Let's hope I'm in the majority!
JG completed 10% of his deployment. Communication is much better, thus far, than our last deployment and I'm so thankful for that.
In other news, tomorrow I'm officially a master sergeant.
There are only two days left of winter vacation. YES! The boys really needed some good down time after how hectic things were with moving, Michael being born and their Dad leaving for deployment. But, I need a break now. There are so many projects I wanted to get done during my time off and it seems like time keeps slipping away.
Tomorrow the Christmas tree comes down. Maybe after that I'll take the boys to a movie.
Last week I had an MRI done on my right knee - and it turns our I tore my ACL. The injury happened back in February and I went to physical therapy to treat my sprain. When I stopped progressing they sent me for an MRI, but by then I was pregnant with baby Michael. After reading up on that type of injury, 90% of patients who get surgery to repair it make a full recovery. Let's hope I'm in the majority!
JG completed 10% of his deployment. Communication is much better, thus far, than our last deployment and I'm so thankful for that.
In other news, tomorrow I'm officially a master sergeant.
There are only two days left of winter vacation. YES! The boys really needed some good down time after how hectic things were with moving, Michael being born and their Dad leaving for deployment. But, I need a break now. There are so many projects I wanted to get done during my time off and it seems like time keeps slipping away.
Tomorrow the Christmas tree comes down. Maybe after that I'll take the boys to a movie.
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