Aliens!

I've decided that there's never going to be a 'normal' between now and the time that JG gets home. For one, things keep breaking. And although some of my friends would say that's par for the course, fixing what's broken on my own is not.

With every renovation project or appliance upgrade there's a whole new slue of problems to fix. Why do you think I've taken a break from the bathroom remodel? What if, in the process of replacing the water stoppage valves, I accidentally bust the hose and a plumber needs to come out? Aliens!

And why are Aliens relevant? Well, I always prepare for the worst case scenario complete with backup plans and the need to talk out every possible option for each way things may go array. Usually, by time I get to Plan C, JG will will make the comment "and what if the Aliens come?"

The latest thing to break? The computer chair. It now looks like a lounge chair. I'm typing with perfect posture though.

In addition to things breaking, the kids started school Monday and two weeks before that they started karate. So, that has impacted our weekly routine significantly. In addition to making sure the kids are clean, fed and clothed, I've added getting to karate lessons on time and making sure homework is done each night. Even before these changes, it was, and continues to be, a huge challenge to get out the door on time each morning. On the upside, the kids are busier so they should have less time to dwell on how much they are missing their dad.

I've decided not to ride the metro while JG is deployed. The old routine was to drop the kids off at daycare, drive to the Franconia-Springfield Metro Station, park, catch a train, transfer from the blue to orange line at Rosslyn, take the orange line west to Ballston (heard as Boston to anyone not familiar with the DC Metro), right to my office building. This daily 2.25-hour commute is now only an hour and a half a day thanks to driving. It also gives me a chance to listen to our wedding CD. So, forgoing the metro subsidy I've been paying $95.00 a month for parking at work.

Even the status of my ankle recovery has changed. (For those of you who don't know, I broke both right leg bones down low into the ankle in April 2007 while deployed to Iraq. I've had a total of five surgeries, two of which JG has been with me for within the last year.) My orthopedic surgeon released me from his care last week and my physical therapist said that I've had enough improvement to finally begin the walk-to-run program as I continue physical therapy! For the first time since the original break I've just now been able to put enough pressure on the ball of my foot to gain momentum for the next step. Maybe there's hope for high heels after all?

Lots of little things about my routine has changed. And I'm reminded of this every time JG and I chat online or talk on the phone. There's also a growing amount of frustration on my part which I think can only come from being an active-duty spouse coupled with an unfair double standard. In a general sense, I feel that I'm expected to share every detail about what's going on in my life, with the kids and with the household, however, when I ask 'how was your day' or 'what do you have going on' I get the equivalent of one-word responses. When in reality, if JG said he was covering a particular unit or shadowing a certain subject matter expert or conducting interviews all morning that would be relevant and I would feel like I'm included in knowing about his day-to-day. I don't feel like we are sharing equally with one another. This bothers me.

I find it hard not to get upset when he asks about what's going on at home. Not only do I feel like I'm being deprived of knowing what's going on in his world, he's also making it known how he would do things differently in mine. Am I reading into questions like "how come the car isn't fixed yet?" or "what have you done on the bathroom this week?" and "You're making the kids write every day, right?" or "it looks like you're going out to eat a lot lately. Why?" and "Isn't parking and gas expensive?" Maybe. I try not to let this bother me because I know this makes him feel like he's still involved. My life here is predicable. He knows what my job, for the most part, entails. He knows I work and the boys are in school Monday-Friday. He knows the boys go to karate classes Tuesday nights and again Saturdays. He knows the weekends are spent trying to catch up on chores and getting ready for the next week.

So, no, I'm not content saying to myself like so many civilian spouses that "my husband is deployed so he's really, really busy, but I'll get to hear all about it when he gets home!" We share the exact profession. Knowing what he's doing matters to me. And knowing that he's taking just a few moments to share with me matters even more.

From living both sides of a deployment, being deployed is much easier to deal with. You can be a workaholic without guilt, you only have to worry about your own primal needs and the time passes much, much quicker. Yes, it sucks missing out on your family and I'm not trying to belittle that fact - it comes at a cost. But, while deployed, you're not shouldering the weight of the house and running everything in it while maintaining your own career and doing the home station mission.

So please, if you see the Aliens, tell them to stop breaking our stuff so I can concentrate on more important things.